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Maybe my skill isn't high enough, but I don't think you can spin heavy without maintaining some tension at the wrists. As I understand it, flexion or extension at the wrists is part of generating the concave/convex shape and allowing expansion at the point of contact.
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I'm coming from 7 years of good taiji training, though I'm still a noob in ILC.
If we were in the same area I would just show you. I can show you how to do it in 5 minutes but trying to explain it online... well that's another thing entirely.
Try this... Instead of thinking of pushing against your opponent just maintain your space. Don't let your structure collapse, If both people are occupying the same space then there will be pressure between them. If you are pushing against your opponent then you will have tension all over. Hard to explain, easy to feel.
If we ever meet I'll show you. Don't think push against, just be and spin.