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However, it even makes me somewhat angry. I'm used that there are typically some learning curves - you get muc progress initially and little later. In IliqChuan so for the curve is upside down - it's an exponentional growth of feellings, understanding, etc.
So this somewhat scares me and I get angry. Because the more I train, the more I see that chances are I will not be able to master all this because of the amount to do ahead of me, it is not getting less each time, it's growing all the time.
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i feel EXACTLY the same way! when i met alex (chief instructor of russia) he showed me a few refinements that made feel like i had been doing everything so wrong that i was infact a complete beginner, even though i was already instructor level 2!